There are no stars to guide us except our own maturity.
No fault in our stars by Titus Vargis.
There are many reasons for relationship ending.
Life is painful often but it has to be dealt with wisely.
No relationship is perfect unless we decide that it’s our responsibility to make it happen.
We are what we choose to do. No one can do it all for us. Not even gods.
Why should we not be more mature enough to act like grown up s?
Some of the reasons for relationship failures are,
1. Lack of maturity
Let’s face it, relationship break because of our lack of maturity. We act like we are entitled to what we want at our time. This breaks our relationship.
2. Bad attitude
A bad attitude not only hinders our life but also our relationship.
3. Wrong upbringing
Very often our upbringing determines how we behave with our spouse. It takes hard work and dedication to unlearn wrong things from our behaviour.
4. Feeling of superiority
Very often we act as if we are superior to others. This kills our relationship.
5. Foul language
Saying right things in a wrong way is still wrong.
6. Constant interrogation
If we keep on interrogate our partner it will harm our relationship.
7. Lack of gratitude
This is all about keeping on demanding but not being thankful for good things done by our partner.
8. No place for respect
A relationship without proper respect is a graveyard.
9. Constant comparison
Regular comparison of your spouse with others is a true poison for any relationship.
10. Lack of empathy
Having no empathy is a sure way to kill the relationship.
11. Narcissistic behaviour
Narcissists never achieve anything in life. They are always killing others for their own selfish goals and objectives.
There are different ways to increase love in a relationship. some of them are as follows,
Commitment
In any relationship,commitment is very important. one must be committed to the relationship.without commitment its impossible to move forward.
02. Transparency
this is also crucial.one must be transparent enough. without it no lasting relationship can take place.
sincerity this gives strength to the relationship.
03. Maturity
This is very important. One must be willing to act as a mature adult. this means willing to act as a grown up.
04. Forgiving
This is important. Forgiveness is the glue of relationship. This is the divine element of a relationship.
05. Communication
This enhances love in a relationship. This makes the relationships alive. Without this relationship is dead.
What does it take to win your love for me? Asking the most crucial question of our relationship.
The essential things in a relationship
Did you know what breaks relationships very often?
Let me tell you. It is not incompatibility. It’s not behavior. It’s not looks. Not perfection.
It’s simply this: asking your partner each day what does it take to win your love for me today?
Unfortunately,this crucial question is usually asked at the beginning of our relationship.
Later,unknowingly we overlook it. This is the biggest mistake we all make.We begin to undermine the person’s changing nature.
You see,we are evolving with time. Each of us are changing.The person I was ten days or ten years ago is not the same.Even after 10 days I will not remain the same.
We are constantly changing.
It’s said that you can’t step into a river twice.What does that imply?
It implies that our needs keep on changing as time passes by.Today we need something different from yesterday.
What we need today is not what we needed earlier.
Each day we need to ask our partners what their present needs or expectations are.
Once we know that we are better at providing the partner what he or she needs.
Unless we ask this on a regular basis we will be assuming the needs of our partners.Thereby we won’t receive the appreciation that we are looking for.
Moreover we won’t be satisfying our partners by providing that they don’t really need at this moment.
There are different ways to ask this question,like
what is it that you are expecting from me today?
Or what is it that you want me to do for you today?
What necessary things I need to do for you that will meet your needs today?
There is power in this approach.
Let me tell you briefly why asking this question matters,
First of all it gives your partner a sense of significance.
Second, it implies that you are genuinely interested in helping the partner.
Thirdly,it makes it easier for you to find out what can be done now that can improve the life of your partner without hurting him or her.
We are meant to satisfy the person we are interacting with. The more we make others happy the more our relationships get better.
But how can we make others happy unless we ask them what they need?
It’s also significant to note that here your attitude matters most. Words must correlate with genuine attitude.
Once we are getting used to asking this question we will find that we are better at providing what our partner is expecting from us.
It’s not through assumptions that we get success in life or relationships.
Understanding the heart of a man is essential to meet his real needs.
The essential expectations by Titus Vargis.
Understanding the basics of any good relationship is not easy.
You have to let go of your own idea and ask the other person.
It is the foundation on which any great relationship is being built.
Let me share a few significant needs as a man in my relationship,
01. First Love
This is the thing that moves us. As men we look for that. We want our partners to have that same old spark. We can sense it. We yearn for that. Too often,it is missing.
02. A sense of wonder
As men,we look for a sense of wonder. We want to see that we are still heroes as we were at first sight. How often,we don’t get that. We love to see that we are still the number one in our relationships.
03. Not taken for granted
As men we don’t look for many bigger things. Basically we look for our worth. Are we still worthy or are we taken for granted? Well,we can sense it very easily that we are valued or taken for granted. We love to outperform ourselves but first we want to know that we are valued in our relationships.
04. A sense of gratitude
We look for gratitude. Gratitude in the sense of behavior or attitude. When men are given sufficient gratitude we would like to outperform ourselves. It’s the magic that propels us.
05. Understanding our silence
As men we are not always like women. We go into solitude. We go there to think and plan our lives. We don’t want to be misunderstood. When women respect our solitude we usually are ready to give what we are expected to.
We are a postmodern generation. We have all the comforts which the previous generation did not have.
The basics of life by Titus Vargis
We are a generation of no scarcity.
Everything is available for us at the time we want it. The downside of this abundance is our lack of thinking about others. We seldom think about giving,but getting.
Times we live in by Titus Vargis
As a matter of fact we are the most selfish generation of all time.
It’s difficult for us to understand that giving is the only way for getting things in life.
What are the implementations of this? Let me share some important aspects which will bring drastic transformation in our relationships,
01. We get what we give. Let’s get it right.We get respect by first giving respect. Respect is not demanded. We must learn to give respect to our partner no matter what.
Heavenly relationships by Titus Vargis
02. Love is not a product that we can get by money,or power. Love is not dependent on our education or status. We must first give love in order to get it.
03. Just as accidents on roads are part of driving on the road, mistakes are part of being human It’s hard to expect perfection from a being that is bound to make mistakes because we are not robots. Accept mistakes as mistakes. Treat it like an accident. No one drives just to get into any accident. It happens. Unless we treat weakness as an integral part of our existence we would kill each other and harbor grudges.
04. In life 5 plus 5 is not always 10. What I mean is that you cannot expect people to act logically each time. We are also emotional beings. We do things sometimes out of our feelings of fear or anger. We may go wrong sometimes. It happens. Understand that life is not predictable. Things go wrong in spite of our careful calculations.
The game of life by Titus Vargis
05. Every day is a golden opportunity to do something different. No one is chained to act as if life is meaningless. Why not try a different approach? Why not try talking in a fair way? Why not make some other plans if plan A has gone wrong? Life is an adventure. Why don’t we change the patterns that make our relationship dull or boring?
What Life teaches you no one can teach on this planet.
Life as an ultimate relationship coach by Titus Vargis
Over the course of my relationship I had to learn many things.
As with everything else, in order for a relationship to work better I had to relearn and unlearn many many essential things.
Unfortunately,my relationship breakdown brought me to the walls.
I had to change myself and my way of dealing. Some of the important lessons that I learnt are as follows,
01.No one can fulfill you apart from yourself. Fulfilled life happens when you make efforts on yourself. No one can do it for you.
02.You are responsible for your own wellbeing. Others cannot be responsible for your well-being. They can only support you to some extent.
Relationship by choice by Titus Vargis
03.Your partner can’t be your savior by any chance. It’s suicidal to exalt anyone to meet all your needs. Don’t expect even gods to solve your personal chaos. You must get up and keep yourself straight.
04.Others are not obliged to clean up your mess. You need to act mature and take up the responsibility.
05.It’s not a relationship that brings blessings but your own attitude. Everything depends upon your perspective.
06.What you give will ultimately return to you. This law seems to apply to all things on this planet.
There are no shortcuts by Titus Vargis
07.There is no overnight birth of a beautiful life and relationship. Don’t expect to eat apples overnight when you have not waited for a good amount of time. Nothing happens overnight.
You don’t have to be a victim anymore,take control of your life now.
You are not the victim anymore by Titus Vargis.
The fault in our relationship by Titus Vargis
There is a huge rise in abusive females in our world. It’s not reported by most men out of shame.
Our Society likes to think it’s the female who’s always the weak,so the equation goes like this:
Abusive relationships = men at fault.
The reason behind this equation is that men are stronger than women.
This is the most fallacious misconception. It’s not the truth. In Fact this is the real culprit. The real cause of marital breakdown.
In any case of reporting to the police,there is bias at work in the system.The police just ignore men and never listen to what men want to say.
Most of the time it won’t be accepted by society that any woman can abuse a man.
This is gross inhuman practice that’s prevalent in many so called developed countries.
Let me put in following points in order to explore these personality:
1) Consider the ads and movies, where it’s common to see women belittling men, even many men are projected there as stupid, foolish.
2) Society, especially narcissistic ones, are training girls and women to abuse men in their lives be it indirectly. The so-called feminist movements add fuel to it.
3) Society as a whole is narrating a different mode of conduct with regards to men. It’s brainwashing to the point of hating men no matter what.
4) Narcissistic women teach others to refuse to respect any boundaries set by society and men.
There must be a way by Titus Vargis
5) Narcissists play the victim card. Of course they cry,scream and create drama. They know very well how to influence people a lot so that they will believe in their account.
6) Narcissistic women can’t take any form of constructive feedback.
7) Narcissists lack empathy. They have no feelings for men! They love a little and hate you at the same time.
8) Narcissists withhold sex to punish men.
9) Narcissists are materialistic. They will say things like, you take me out, you give me what I want when I want it.
10.Narcissistic values men based on his financial capabilities.
The blackmail by Titus Vargis
PART B.HOW TO MANAGE A NARCISSISTIC PARTNER?
1.Don’t take the bait.
They are irrational, far from reality. Whatever comes from them is not rational. Completely ignore them. when they want you to react,just leave the room.
2. When they start to play with your feelings just tell them,
“You are right with your emotions just as I am.”
3.They struggle with their internal chaos and their life shows just the same. Don’t allow them to dictate your life. Take control of your life.
Relationships are awesome but need maintenance from your side too.
Hey Dear Women,
Let me straight forward come to my point. And please do listen to me. I am here for your care and benefits. Would you please hear the number 1 complain of most Men?
Remember this and save your relationship forever :Your man is not a lifetime punching bag you bought from somewhere.
The number 1 Complaint Men have regarding women in Relationships is: abusive words spoken by women to express their true feelings while being upset.
Men must not raise their hands over a woman. Just like this, women should not Speak rudely against men no matter what.
God has made everyone equal. Men and Women. Both are equal. Yet both Should know what hurts others?
Women, unknowingly or knowingly hurt men by telling what shouldn’t be said at all.
Women need to know their words said in angry moments have equal potential to hurt their man.
Society does not care about what women do Or say. Well it hurts to the point of killing.
It seems that only Men can harm a woman. Really?
Out of all the Relationships breakdown nearly 87% is due to this monumental error of women.
Women should know their words have a monumental impact.It’s not that words do not matter.
Perhaps, she should know that words can literally kill like any poison.
Words literally kills. Majority of men who have suffered a Relationship break down very often complain that women have abused them emotionally.
Men say that they have been abused & blackmailed by their women.
Many many men have literally been killed by abusive women.
Emotional abuse by women is considered a lesser sin.
women think that it’s just raising their concerns to their men. But they forget that raising their concerns in an abusive way can harm others, including men.
They Should choose the words carefully.
If words are uttered without considering their partner it can sabotage their beautiful relationship.
Beauty is useless if the mouth is foul. Your man is not a heartless creature just to serve you.
He is not your dad or brother. He is your equal life partner.
Who gave you authority to trample down your man?
Of course no one has that authority.
Do you think is this the way relationships work?
women, you need understand this: Just as raising hands by men is violence not worthy of tolerance- in the same way uttering foul words is equal to violence.
Women should respect their men by words and deeds.
Most of the men complain that they have been abused verbally by their partners on a regular basis. No one even say that this is not just acceptable.
Creating an environment of fear by abusive words is a serious violence not tolerable.
Trust me, as a man, I can say that words hurt so much.Even kills. Don’t excuse yourself by saying that I didn’t mean to hurt you.
Relationships are not meant to be taken for granted. Don’t act like a child.
You might say that I felt it that way & said that.
But No, you are not given permission to hurt others.
You must not utter words in the most fair way. What we say is important. How we say it is also very important.
PART B: 11 QUICK SOLUTIONS
Quick solutions by Titus Vargis
So, here are a few insights into how a woman can express their feelings without hurting men.
1) Before uttering some word, spend time alone. It’s fine to not act on the impulse. Good things take time. Too much hurry spoils a thing. You are right but don’t rush.
Don’t rush by Titus vargis.
2) Don’t speak in the heat of the moment. The number one mistake we make is speaking what we are feeling at the moment. Well, it’s not advisable. It can do more harm.
Silence is powerful often by Titus Vargis.
3)Take a blank sheet of paper and write down what feelings you are going through. Write everything you feel.
Write it down by Titus Vargis.
4) After writing, take a deep breath. Calm yourself completely. Try to be present at the moment. Relax. Do what makes you calm. Watch a movie,go for shopping, gardening etc.
Art of calm by Titus vargis.
5) Ask your man when he’s available to listen to you. Don’t be rude and demand that he urgently make arrangements to talk. Everything must be done in a fair way.
The man and the science behind by Titus Vargis.
6) Preferably, while discussing these choose a place free from family or children.
7) Once he assigns some time, wait for that. Don’t Complain if he can’t listen right when you want him to.
8) Once you meet, carefully share your concerns and feelings.
Take care by Titus vargis.
9) Keep your tone absolutely normal. Don’t say as if to hurt him. Let there be respect. Show fairness. Be kind in your tone. Don’t be rude or insensitive. This might spoil all efforts.
10) Once you have shared, tell him ‘Thank you for giving time’. Give respect and receive back hundred folds. Relationships are about little things. Remember that.
Understand the basic problem by Titus Vargis.
11) Understand that he needs enough time to process what you have said. Don’t expect him to resolve issues at the same time. Be mature enough to understand this.
I strongly believe that these things are very crucial in any relationship.
Relationships are not made in heaven but nourished by two mature adults who know to refrain from unfair practices.
If you are in love say it.If you really really are in genuine love,go and say it.
Because expressing your love is very okay.
But I have an advice to those who say I love you for the sake of saying it and who want to manipulate others.
I feel playing with other’s feelings is a terrible form of violence.
You might not know how other person feel when they see your true face.
It’s tragic! It’s a crime! I say mother of all tragedies.
If you say I love you and then try to act like it but you have no proof of it,then literally you are stabbing the other person.
It’s a tragedy when someone believes in you and later finds out that you are a liar!People are not toys to play with. When someone gets attracted to you and they hear loving words from you then they really believe you for it.
But to fake love it’s killing the other person.Love is a serious business,and you either make a person or break them.
Never say I love you for the sake of using the person for your own selfish ambition.
There are few real signs to identify the authenticity of love and relationship.
The signs of true Love by Titus Vargis.
Love is the most misunderstood word on the planet.I think the most most commonly used word in the world would be LOVE. I strongly believe another set of words that are mostly used would be I, We, Us and Me.
What is the conclusion I make from these? Word ‘Love’ is commonly used when we are not literally meaning it.
We use it to mean that we like something, or someone based on our likes and biases.
Not necessarily that others are in our hearts or we are deeply moved by the other.
You see, we are the most selfish generation of the history of mankind. Look at the news or any groups or any so called unselfish people groups who are selflessly doing to mankind much favors.
First of all, why is that these groups or people promote themselves when they are utterly selfless?! It’s a joke!
Who in the world is selfless and selfish at the same time?! It’s absurd!
Well, we live in a time such as this. For us LOVE is equal to SELF. Our motives are clear. We will use any opportunity to gain other’s attention and gains.
We can even use the words such as LOVE or SELFLESS acts of kindness. While the reality is totally different. We fool others and we are deeply perfect in this.
Our schools or colleges teach us and train us to be utterly selfish and put others down at any cost in the name of the so called SUCCESS.
What is the conclusion regarding the love we see around. LOVE of ours is superficial and plastic. It fools others. It is used to gain something.
It is utterly selfish and lacks genuineness. Why is it that we kill each other in the name of religion? Why the educated masses are easily swayed away by fanaticism?!
Why we say we are civilized and at the same time we are totally corrupt and not willing to sacrifice for the sake of others?
Love is kind, selfless, sacrifice, forgiving, bearing one another in weaknesses ,and laying down our own Demonic pride.
Love and the ways to identify the authenticity of love by Titus Vargis.
Let me share few significant characteristics of such authentic Love and Relationship,
1.True love is coming out of self. It’s all about others and not us.
2.It’s concerned more about not my bread or my money but about other’s hunger and sufferings.
3.It’s about giving,giving and utterly giving.
4.It’s about making a mark in the lives of those who cannot repay us back by any means.
5.It’s about our forgiving when grace is not possible.
6.It’s about showing mercy to the offender the tenth or eleventh time.
7.It’s about not scoring but about getting unnoticed.
8.It’s not about marketing or getting famous but making the lives of the other much more better than before.Its simple and profound.
Let’s decode the thing called Love by Titus Vargis.
Hey don’t be giving up when things are going against you.
Tough times are not for ever.
Here are some wisdom and inspiration for you as you might be facing rough times in your life or relationship.
1. If you accept tough times are part of the seasons of life, it will keep you from sinking into depression.
2. Maintain a healthy perspective. Going through tough times doesn’t mean you are not blessed, you are actually being prepared for something great. Preparation is often not easy but it is the foundation of better things to come.
3. Tough times will reveal to you your true friends and expose the fake ones.
4. Tough times will introduce to you real friends who are attracted to your purpose.
5. The best ideas tend to be conceptualized in tough times.
6. Sometimes God allows you to go through tough times to wake you up and get your attention especially when you have become too familiar with Him.
7. Sometimes you have to reach a dead end where no one but God can help you, so that no one but God can receive the glory.
8. Great people have learnt the art of converting tough times into a path to being a master of something.
9. There are some lessons that tough times will teach you that good times can’t.
10. Tough times will open your eyes to see opportunities and doors that complacent you did not.
11. Some of us lack the courage to move past our current level and lack the initiative to take the next step on our own, tough times will catapult you to the next stage of your life that you are afraid to take.
12. Tough times will make you naked so that you see yourself for who you truly are. Tough times will force you to be real with yourself, what are you really made of? Because when you are going through tough times, there is no one to impress, you have to be you.
13. Most couples enter their best season after they reach rock bottom. That is when their true love is tested and they emerge stronger together.
May you find strength and wisdom to face your rough times,and may you rise up stronger than ever.
There can be no sorry for some issues in any relationship.
There is no excuse my dear by Titus Vargis
5 things I hate in my marriage, and these can happen in any relationship.
Well,they must be avoided at any cost to save your relationship.
01. When I don’t receive back what I give. I always try my best to give love,care, and forgiveness to my partner. Even respect when I feel I have been mistreated.
02. When I don’t feel that my partner keeps the secrets about me. This frustrates me.
03. When I find that in matters of money I cannot ask my partner about my needs.when I get answers like it’s my money,why didn’t you keep your money? This turns me off. I strongly believe that as a partner one should help each other in all ways possible.
04. When I am not consulted regarding some major issues. It can be buying any stuffs or taking a big decision. As a partner one should always first ask one’s partner about their suggestions.
05. When I am ridiculed in front of others and my partner too joins them. This hurts me the most.
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