Over the years I had been through many ups and downs.
One of the most horrific experience was my struggle with depression.
The thing that hurt me most was people’s utter stupid attitude towards me.
It was as if my life was in jeopardy.
My story has a strong message for those in our society.
Unless we treat this stupid- ity patients with mental illness and issues will not recover fast.
My own first hand experience has taught me what books could never teach me about depression.
Let me briefly share few of the utter stupid attitude of people towards me while I was in depression,
1. That I am abnormal.
2. That I am faking it.
3. I am Lazy.
4. That I am stupid.
5. That I am beyond hope.
6. That I am not worthy of respect.
7. That I am the only per- son on earth to behave like this.
8. That by willpower & efforts I can overcome it.
9. That this is not a big deal. I am the cause of this.
10. That this is not a sickness that needs treatment but a state of mind.
Life is not mathematics. That means it’s not five plus five equal to ten here.
We can’t lay down our plans but it’s life that overrules here on this planet.
We can either fear or face it. There are no other way around.
As human beings,we are not superhuman. We are not Hollywood superstars either.
Life is difficult and more than difficult for the vast majority of us. What can we do about it?
How did the breakthrough happen? My own life is a great example.
I lost my dad at a very young age. I almost had nothing to hold on to. It was almost impossible to carry on.
I decided to give up. I attempted suicide several times. But I couldn’t succeed. God perhaps had other plans.
No human being could stop my depression. My life was a mess. I had no money. My mother had no job. Moreover my younger brother was in school.
Someone introduced a higher way. I was not ready to accept anything. As I had become hopeless I didn’t even want to try anything.
But after much consideration,I thought why not should I take this chance.
My life changed bit by bit. It was as if I was gaining a new perspective of life. I was vulnerable. I had no hope but now I was hopeful.
Misery became a miracle. I started praying. I started my relationship with Jesus. I had no purpose in life.
My suicidal thoughts began to disappear. I found relief. A big relief.My family began to change.My condition improved.
I don’t want to say that you need to try this too but I would say it gets really better when we try. No one can help a hopeless person. No amount of money can remove bad luck.
One needs a divine hand. It’s in fact the only way. I think had I not tried this path I would have definitely ended my life somehow.
Life gives you no relief. Friends can help to some point. No one walks with you forever.
My life got transformed. It was a miracle indeed.
Let’s face it: you can’t carry pain and despair forever. You can’t live in such desperation. You will not survive.
Now I am glad that I took this path. My life still has a lot of weaknesses but I am courageous now. I am glad that I found the answer.
I get hurt easily. Don’t know why. I am caring for others.
Yet I wonder about how easily I get hurt. Especially from my close ones.
I am not selfish. I care about my relationship.
I put my whole being into my children. I put my love.
I never listen to even myself when I get a chance to help my relationship.
Still I get touchy very often.
I am not that vocal about my pain.
I am not easily expressive.
I am keeping my feelings to myself.
I am like that.
But I wonder why I am not that strong.
I am weak frankly. And that’s the reason I care.
That’s why I love my relationship even to the point of being exhausted.
I am weak, that’s why I know what it is to get hurt,what it’s to be unloving.
I have seen enough wrecked people. I have seen people so wicked who don’t care about you.
I have seen getting abused. I have heard painful and hurting abusive language spoken against me.
I have seen my father passed even in my younger days.
I have seen poverty. I have seen people hurting you purposely.
I have seen people who left me when I was vulnerable.
Still I did not stop caring. Especially my relationship.
Frankly speaking,I have not received what I give to others. Others don’t always reciprocate.
This hurts me.
I expect others to see my hurt. I expect them not to say that it breaks my heart.
It seems that they don’t care that much.
Hey,still I have not acted like them. This is not a weakness. This is not stupidity. This is divine.
This is the reason as a human being we are not wiped out of this planet. Such people exist.
This makes the difference.
Thank you for taking time. God bless.
Let me know what are your thoughts.
Do share even if it’s little.
Understanding the heart of a man is essential to meet his real needs.
Understanding the basics of any good relationship is not easy.
You have to let go of your own idea and ask the other person.
It is the foundation on which any great relationship is being built.
Let me share a few significant needs as a man in my relationship,
01. First Love
This is the thing that moves us. As men we look for that. We want our partners to have that same old spark. We can sense it. We yearn for that. Too often,it is missing.
02. A sense of wonder
As men,we look for a sense of wonder. We want to see that we are still heroes as we were at first sight. How often,we don’t get that. We love to see that we are still the number one in our relationships.
03. Not taken for granted
As men we don’t look for many bigger things. Basically we look for our worth. Are we still worthy or are we taken for granted? Well,we can sense it very easily that we are valued or taken for granted. We love to outperform ourselves but first we want to know that we are valued in our relationships.
04. A sense of gratitude
We look for gratitude. Gratitude in the sense of behavior or attitude. When men are given sufficient gratitude we would like to outperform ourselves. It’s the magic that propels us.
05. Understanding our silence
As men we are not always like women. We go into solitude. We go there to think and plan our lives. We don’t want to be misunderstood. When women respect our solitude we usually are ready to give what we are expected to.
There ain’t no heaven on earth frankly speaking.
On why I choose to not quit by Titus Vargis
Well the title itself says it all. We are all sum total of our imperfections and strengths. No one is from above.
We can do two things,either we can look at good things or imperfections in our lives and relationships.
Both views have an immense impact on the quality of our lives and relationships.
Either we will look to good things and focus only on it. Thereby lead a great life. The other option is looking for imperfections and getting doomed.
We actually have no real choice here on earth. We have to embrace the imperfections no matter what.
Well,the choice is up to you and me.
Let me share my five reasons on why I appreciate my relationship,
01. Life is short to keep on looking for perfect relationships. Really you and I can’t keep on moving from one relationship to another. Each of us have immense imperfections. It’s wise to stick to the one who shares your life values and loves you.
02. Loneliness is the most common sickness that leads to death. I don’t want to live alone and get lost in life. I choose to stay in my relationship.
03. We both have different strengths and we both meet the needs of each other. That’s why I stay in my relationship.
04. My relationship gives me a sense of significance. I stay in my relationship because it gives me a meaning in life.
05. I have seen many relationships getting broken around. I don’t want to lose my opportunities in life. I stay and know that life is an adventure filled with lots of happiness and surprises.
©Titus Vargis, PhD
Life is hard sometimes and you can’t lose your precious life but how?
How my Suicidal tendencies went Away?
It’s not easy. It’s monumental.
It’s not a sickness that you take a pill and it goes away.
Let me come to the point,to say it in short.
First things first,
1. Suicidal thoughts are born out of long term sufferings of stress & harsh realities of life.
2. It’s not possible to get out of it by forcing one’s thoughts alone. No one can get out of it like that. It is ridiculous!
No,it does not work that way. You are Outrightly wrong. It’s not a physical sickness just like cough and cold.
3.Suicidal tendencies are out of one’s control. Understand this. No one wants to live like that.It’s a living hell. One can’t escape by himself.
4. Suicidal thoughts can develop over a period of time while being in total failure, death of a loved one, terrible loss in life or business,terminal sickness & sufferings.
5. The person who is affected by it already has done everything to come out of it but he’s helpless. This is the number one truth. He is really really helpless,and that’s the reason he’s thinking of ending his life.
Now,let me share my experience:
Suicidal thoughts were not in me until my father was alive. But once he had passed away I went into a stage of utter despondency.
I was the eldest son and I had a younger brother. We were still studying in schools. My mother had no job. Financially we were struggling.
During this period,I developed abnormal fears, including fear of people,fear of open spaces.
This created total imbalance in our family. This deeply affected my wellbeing.
As an eldest Son, I had the responsibility to look after my mother and brother.
Here I was in utter darkness & I felt I was not living upto my family’s expectations. I was unable to stay normal and earn a living.
I developed serious depression & went to consult the doctor. Doctor prescribed some medicines for me. I wanted to come out of this mess.
Medication really helped me. Previously I could not sleep at night but now I was sleeping well. My fears subsided to an extent and I attempted to start living my normal life once again.
Financially I had nothing to support my family so that I can feel proud about myself. Feelings of worthlessness increased my depression.I felt I was useless. I found no hope.
I developed a whole range of depressive thinking, different fears, and anger.
I attempted suicide many times. I did not see any point in living. I had tried all ways to get rid of depression. Medicines,Yoga, Positive talk, Exercises.
Nothing brought any lasting solution. Staying positive did not help.Nothing worked.Absolutely.
Medicines did not cure my suicidal tendencies. I was fed up with my life. I did not want to live as a burden to others.
Deep down my heart I wanted to live and earn lots of money. It didn’t happen. No one saved me.
My mother was a praying woman. She kept on praying for my recovery. She prayed to Jesus. Her prayers brought my answers. My life began to change.
My plans of suicide did not work. I must say I am alive because of Jesus Christ.
It was all because of my Heavenly Father. He just would not let me commit suicide. All my plans to end my life could not succeed.
I must say it took a while for me to become normal. It’s been more than 10 years now. Since then I have never thought about suicide.
My life is no longer the same. I now from my experience can say that no medicines can cure suicidal tendencies. No surface level efforts either.
I believe one must have a paradigm shift. One can’t just get over these dangerous tendencies just by thinking or behaving the right way.
Suicide is deeply related to our Soul. It’s a sickness of the Soul.
Unless and until this soul sickness is dealt with, one just can’t overcome it.
One surely can overcome suicidal tendencies with the help of God. Jesus Christ is the answer. God alone can heal this sickness of the Soul.
When the Soul is healed, a person begins to think about living boldly no matter what.
I believe this experience will help a lot of others who go through suicidal tendencies.
Thank you very much for reading.I am glad you read it.
© Titus Vargis
Life is not a bed of Roses still lot of it depends on how we manage ourselves.
I really can not explain what the relationship I had with my daddy.
It was a relationship built in heaven.No one can come close to my dad.
I lost him suddenly and it left me a world full of unknowns.
O my how would I move an inch without my earthly God? This was my constant thoughts.
I was afraid.I was willing to suicide even tried to jump into the river.But I think God did not allow it to happen.I was though absolute confident about suicide.
I hated life as a whole.
I came to the TRUE colors of my own.
The plasticity of our society.The wicked heart hiding beneath the sober men and women.
I had to learn to live again.It was hell.It was absolute unnecessary I thought.
So,how anyways I stood on my ground again?
1. My mother stood By me.If there was one solid ground that held me it was my mother.She carried me and came to rescue me.I didn’t see her going away when I needed her the most.
2. My supreme help came from my heavenly Father. My God in whom I found refuge.To say the least,it was God who literally stood behind me.It was God who gave me boldness.When all else left me it was the presence of God that stood closer to me.This changed my life.
3. My hobbies such as listening music and reading kept me away from serious depression. It was music that changed my mood altogether. Then books.
I survived because of reading the biographies of great men.I purposely read great men and their life stories.I knew if they can succeed I too can.
4. My brother stood By me all through my dark times.He was there with me.He never left me.I didn’t feel I am lonely. I was supported By him.He financed me when I had no job.No money in my pocket.I truly thank God for him.
5. My mentors motivated me.I infact got my mentors through books.They were inspirational and a source of power to me.I felt I too can overcome any difficulties. This transformed my life.This gave me hope.This made me an overcomer.
I have survived all because of these.I could not live well when my dad passed away.
I felt it was impossible to live again.Yet I overcame those difficulties.
You too can overcome your mountains.
Keep trying. Never give up.Find some mentors.Find your own survival tactics.
Life is precious.Life is beautiful.
© Dr.Titus Vargis